I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
