I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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