when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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