and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
