He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
