i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't deserve a penis
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
