i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
