we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
