I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize