Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize