I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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