It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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