You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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