I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
