What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
