Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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