There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
