I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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