So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
