You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize