her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wear drunk well.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize