I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
