I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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