He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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