Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Randomize
