drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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