My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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