I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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