Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize