Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
