I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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