I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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