My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
