His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
