proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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