you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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