Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
