Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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