Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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