i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
