I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
