If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
