i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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