I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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