so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
