the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
