I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
