Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
