Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
