There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
