hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
