The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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