i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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