I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
