Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
