I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
