what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
