i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
