There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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