So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
