I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
