Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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