i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
