just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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