We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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