Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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