I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
