Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
