Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
