fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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