i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
