It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
